Enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

Relationship Type 8 with Type 9 — The Enneagram Institute

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

Aug 21, When people describe or think of Enneagram Type 2 The People Pleaser, you seekers–something oft attributed to Type 7 The Enthusiast or Type 8 The Boss. are brilliant at making connections and building relationships and know who . Wendy, I've dabbled in the enneagram for the last 9 years or so. Jul 25, Type 8 Myth: Eights are just “out there” – they are the toughest, most aggressive, 8, 9, 1, ) "Enneagram Points 7 and 8 show the result of the work. with anyone I want, but when I'm in a relationship I'm impeccably loyal.". Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger) with. Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker). What Each Type Brings to the Relationship. Enneagram Eights bring.

The Eight attention style fixes on power, overt control, excess, strength, and justice. The prevailing American culture has a love affair with the energy of Eights, particularly as a male Archetype.

Americans applaud figures like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood playing roles of protective vengeance. Eights say they feel the culture rewards aggression and supports their strong persona: It is more common for female Eights to develop the altruism of Two and the introversion of Five see Connecting Points at an early age.

Childhood Experiences and Adult Defenses Eights possess an instinctual sense of truth and the inherent ability to relate to others without prejudice.

Personality Type Nine

As children, however, they learn to conceal their openness as they observe a world in which the weak are often victimized and the truth is defined by the most powerful. Those who have power — parents, teachers, authority figures — seem to harmfully misuse it or are too ineffectual to be trusted for protection. Eight children protect themselves by turning up the burner on their instinctual life force.

This makes their energy available, abundant, and pleasurable.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

Eight children often care for and protect others. As one Eight explained: I never appeared to need it. I never consciously felt I needed it. I kept it and ran a placement service for other abused animals I found.

Everyone looked to me to solve problems in the neighborhood. Others were near or over the edge of social approval: Even when conditions caused them to suppress their energy, the importance of being strong and protecting others was constant.

Lust drives Eights to be strong and act on their immediate desires which makes them feel omnipotent. They then deny their weaker feelings and the damaging impact of their actions. By acting quickly and impulsively, Eights avoid reflecting on their behavior, maintaining a momentum that prevents them from recognizing the vulnerability and hurt of others.

More importantly this denial keeps them from feeling their own vulnerability. One Eight describes how she would deny her own doubt: Their capacity to handle pain without acknowledging it and the reinforcement they get from others for being strong steers them away from self-reflection. The most likely reason for an Eight to seek therapy is the threat of loss of significant others. I deny feeling really bad about hurting people, and this works until people who matter leave.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

I had always felt in complete charge of my life and I was depressed for the first time. The relationship brought out my softer side.

It turns out that relationships are important and I had not realized that. But, I thought no one could tell. Any Eight knows when a fight is not real. I want to answer in a way that maintains my sense of control. I may give a quick B. It is just too safe. We can put things together and can stay there. I felt I was overwhelming her.

The more I talked the more her eyes got big and she got quiet. I ended up feeling bad, like I had done something wrong. I really want to help you. Defended Eights can test and challenge therapists with an impatient, contentious presentation.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

Some therapists may be intimidated and contract while others could be tempted to adopt a false toughness. The therapy might have had a chance to succeed if the therapists had known how to read the Eight defense and the fear it covers. Here is how Eights say they act when feeling defended in therapy: I need to know. You need to understand, we want help more than we will indicate.

Most talk of needing a strong, honest, smart therapist with whom they feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Therapists need to know it is hard for Eights to establish trust. Most recommend a forthright approach: Tell me the truth. First he helped me find answers quickly, which was an intellectual hook. She gave me information, reading, and assistance with a plan.

Myth Busting: Type 2 The People Pleaser

She kept focus, maintained just the right balance of emotion and direction. During various developmental stages and life crises, having a safe nurturing relationship can be critical for Eights.

Teachers and mentors who took an interest in an Eight child can leave a memory of safety and growth through relationship. Therapists can bring the memory of such people into sessions as allies in the current work. I think she realized I did not fit in and she just spent extra time with me.

She was interested in my life and believed in me. The same woman above continues: I drank a lot, was into a lot of sex. I hated my father and was angry. I could see this was taking me down a wrong path and I was afraid of failure and looking bad, losing it all. I began to see a counselor, just to let off steam. It was just talk therapy, a safe haven, but it re-directed some of the feelings causing the recklessness.

Some say that it was developed at this time by Gurdieff.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

As we will see, each visible planet "rules" two signs except that the Sun and Moon rule only one eachand each planet is also "exalted" in another sign, which brings out its highest qualities. The invisible planets Uranus and Neptune only rule one sign, which is also ruled by one of the other visible planets.

A definite pattern will be apparent, which I will comment on after reviewing the types and how they correspond to the planets. You can peak ahead to see the table that summarizes the pattern.

Anxious and restless, Type One often evaluates, analyzes and judges people and surroundings in order to feel more in control. Type One compares reality to a set of standards, and can see what measures up and what doesn't, whether in its own life or others. Type One can act as a reformer, proposing suggestions on how things can be better. Ones are good critics, but strive to be objective and fair in their analysis. They are very discerning, observant and well-informed.

They are natural teachers and communicators, anxious to share their observation, knowledge, values and suggestions. Ones have high ideals, and can be sticklers for rules and regulations. They are good workers, hoping to live up to their own high standards and puritanical morals. They may dedicate themselves to worthy causes, and be effective advocates for them, but may also become arrogant and self-righteous in their role as crusaders and missionaries.

Tom Flautt and John Richards describe them as the "Reformer: It rules communication and seeks knowledge. Mercury people are often teachers, thinkers, analyzers and critics. They are anxious and restless by nature, and love change, novelty and variety.

They love to learn and to travel. Mercury is usually described as objective, rational, curious, and interested in practical facts. It is evident to many spiritual teachers and psychologists, however, that it is our mind that judges.

Our thinking is the source of our ideals of right and wrong, good and bad. Healthy, balanced thought creates the healthy side of Type One: Mercury rules the signs Gemini and Virgo.

The latter sign seems to fit Type One the best. Virgo is famous as the perfectionist, the critic, the analyst, the puritan, the good worker-bee, the apprentice, the dedicated and humane server.

Mercury is also said to be "exalted" in Virgo, which means Virgo is the sign which brings out Mercury's and Type One's qualities to their greatest and highest extent. Twos are dedicated to nurturing others and ministering to their needs. Their self-esteem depends on how much their generosity is appreciated. Twos are loving and giving and find satisfaction in being of service to others. They are compassionate and sympathetic to a fault. They identify with others' emotional needs, yet are tenacious in caring for their own emotional needs as well.

They are very sensitive, intuitive and emotional; able to sense what others feel. Family and close ties are everything to them. They often become too dependent on others, giving only so that others will return their love and satisfy their own needs. They insist on how giving and how wonderful they are, hoping others will appreciate and love them for what they have done for them. They can become whiners or even stalkers.

The Moon represents feelings and emotions. It represents catering to basic needs and nurturance. It is the great Mother. Moon-ruled people, including those born under its sign Cancer, are indeed very sensitive and caring, but can become like the Mother who won't let go, exactly like Type Two.

Sometimes shy, whining and self-effacing, the Moon lacks confidence compared to other planets, being mainly the reflector of the greater light. It may also be too tied to memory and tradition. The Moon is intuitive, imaginative, sensitive and very aware of others' feelings. Cancer is the sign of home, family and ancestral heritage, and is known as clingy or miserly. Type Two and The Moon is a very strong match, but Cancer is also the poet's and artist's sign, an aspect usually not emphasized as much in the description of Twos.

Jupiter is exalted in Cancer, where Jupiter's qualities are raised to their highest expression including its religious and "ministerial" traitsthereby adding them to Type Two.

What self-care looks like for me right now – Modern Mrs. Darcy

Threes seek success and a high profile in society. They are confident and ambitious, and they make good leaders and role models. They set high goals and master many skills.

enneagram type 8 and 9 relationship myths

They have a tremendous sense of honor. Energetic and cheerful, they are open to new challenges. Threes are most concerned with creating and maintaining a successful image, and identify with the role they play in the world. Threes often see life as a performance in a play or a game, and winning the game is important.

If less healthy, a Three may try to achieve in order to cover up their sense of inadequacy. Sometimes the image they portray of themselves is more important to them than the reality of who they are. They may be out of touch with themselves, seeking victory and recognition at all costs, even if it means deceiving and using others.

Flaut and Richards said Type Three is the "Motivator: Sun people are the most successful and confident in society. They are also known for their big egos. They are proud, arrogant and boastful, eager to be the center of attention. Sun people are known for their great energy, which seems to flow from them. Very charismatic, Sun-ruled people make good leaders and organizers.

Leo, the zodiac sign ruled by the Sun, is known like Type Three as the performer. Leo represents drama, acting and theater, and is also the sign of gaming, romance and amusement.

Leos are also known for their loyalty. Neptune is exalted in Leo, which can sometimes add Neptunian qualities to the sign, and thus to Type Three, and this often takes the form of "glamour.

But Neptune's exaltation in Leo also means that a Three, when most successful, has the potential to demonstrate high spiritual wisdom, but more by their courageous actions and charismatic style than by their teachings.

Type Four is Neptune Type Four is the romantic who lives on feelings and imagination. Fours are artists and non-conformists at heart. They feel uniquely endowed with a creative gift to share, and this leads them to seek life's deeper meaning. They are sympathetic and compassionate. But when reality is not all it should be, Fours may live in a world of their own. Sometimes the anti-hero, they may feel their special talents are not recognized. Fours are ultra-sensitive to beauty in all forms, and everything is grist for their artistic and mythical mill.

Masters of multi-media, they experience life in many ways all at once, sensing intimately the connections between things. Their ability to idealize often leads Fours to dissappointment, so they may become isolated and alienated, punishing themselves and others for their failings.

Lost in self-destructive melancholy, they may feel exempt from society's rules and expectations. The farthest planet from the Sun apart from PlutoNeptune is the dissolver of all boundaries. It signifies limitless imagination, idealism and romanticism. It is the ultimate symbol of those who prefer the ideal to the real, and who thereby may be deceived.

Neptunians are escapists and non-conformists, and sometimes drop-outs from society. When disillusioned, they may follow paths of self-destruction and addiction. Neptune feels keenly the sufferings of the world, and is highly compassionate. Psychic and visionary, it conceives grand plans and utopian dreams.

The idealism of Neptune may blind it to obstacles and rules, and this can lead to deceit and scandal. Neptune is ultrasensitive and rules all the most imaginative arts, especially music. Here is a brief description of the nine defense systems.

Busting the Myths of the Enneagram People Pleaser: Type 2Wendy Appel

Denial means to power up in the body center and forcefully re-direct energy and attention through willfulness and control. Vulnerable feelings are automatically put away and not experienced. Emotional energy is reduced, while instinctual energy is increased. Receptivity necessarily involves some vulnerability, so Eights seek to impact the world and other people rather than be receptive to them.

Instinctual needs and rhythms in daily life; issues of fairness or rightness; getting practical results. Grounded, common sense approach, taking care of basic needs.

Good at "just doing" things and being active in the physical world, being connected to nature. Not much thought required for the simple tasks of life. Obsessive process - using repeating patterns of thinking and doing to capture and stabilize attention in daily life. A concentration of energy in the belly center enables repeating patterns to form layers of "insulation" in the mind and body.

This insulation is used to "screen out" unwanted feelings or information from the inside or outside. Screening and buffering principled inattention. Anger being against the way things are.