Wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

Get Maximum Likes With These Cute Quotes for Facebook Statuses

wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

Best and most used facebook statuses about relationships from our collection. If you just want to get the greatest facebook statuses about relationships visit this page Trust · Truth · Twilight · Weird · Wisdom · Witty · Women · Work · Work sarcasm. We add new interesting quotes to our site daily, so visit us frequently to find. This article will tell you the hilarious Facebook statuses, enabling you to easily impress your friends in Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship. 8. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. . Please submit your comments. Relationship Quotes. likes · talking about this. Please give us "Like" Our goal here at Relationship Quotes is to make sure you have a.

Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me—no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make. Security in this office is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? Men In Tights I'm gonna grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fairy is.

I just want everyone to know that I have gone another day without being stabbed repeatedly.

20 deep Facebook statuses that will get a lot of likes and comments

I want to thank my friends who did not stab me repeatedly, the fans of the Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly page, the creator of the Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly page, and the many people who contributed to this cause by not stabbing me repeatedly. Without you, I might have been stabbed repeatedly, of which I am not a fan. Of course, this status is much more effective if you are a Facebook fan of "Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly.

I was God once. It was going really well until everyone died. Blackmail is such an ugly word. Leela cracked corn, and I don't care.

Funny, Clever, and Cute Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter

Fry cracked corn, I still don't care. Bender cracked corn, and he is great! Take that, you stupid corn! Just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. It's been days since my last attempt to take over the world.

I've been distracted by my current mission: I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool.

wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

I don't want a large Farva! I want a goddamn liter-o'-cola!! The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life. Could you imagine if I went into work, did half of the job, then said, "Come back next week for the continuation! How did you fit a lion in your pocket? No wonder it's ready to roar.

First the earth cooled, then the dinosaurs came, and they all bought Benzes. Who is Pete and why is it for his sake? I danced with a squirrel in my car because I'm sexy, and I do what I want. If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer. Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of stairs! Oz, The Whole Nine Yards If my employer were more democratic than communist, they might allow us to vote on making Wednesday part of the "mid-week weekend" incentive program that I just made up.

I vote "aye," save me, Jebus! Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone? But sometimes when you get it back, it's horribly deformed and covered in an unusually smelly gelatinized mass that you can't identify.

I'd pay a dollar and a half to see a tree museum. The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese. My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning. Whenever I'm on fire, I remember to stop, drop, and roll, not run around screaming my head off.

I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

Facebook - Cool Funny Quotes

Easy, guys, I put my pants on just like the rest of you—one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. Do sealions eat seazebras? Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist. The problem with reality is that there's no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil, or adventurous is about to happen.

If the game doesn't freeze every six minutes, then you're not watching Fox.

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I had part of a slinky once. If you cooked any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you'd need an egg calendar.

I am not crazy! At least, no more than any normal person should be. I mean, really, giving you a fruitcake for a present is just another way of saying, "I dislike you so much that I'm going to give you calories of jellied fruit and nut compacted into a brick and wrapped in plastic.

I, on the other hand, am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. Name is trying not to think about penguins. Good things are coming soon. Stay tuned for more information after a few words from our sponsors. Name wants to go someplace warm where the beer flows like wine. Whisper down the lane is not as much fun on Facebook as it was when we used to sit in rows on the floor of the school gymnasium.

wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

You're so vain, you probably think this status is about you. I wish I was as smart as I think I am. The next time somebody texts me with "k," I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF?? Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is so wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.

Name thinks the xylophone is totally underrated. Where is the chase and how do I cut to it? If Santa were to name his balls, would he call one "Milk" and the other "Cookies"? If winning doesn't matter, then why keep score? It's amazing how something as simple as yelling and throwing things, although it doesn't solve your problems or help you find a solution, still makes you feel better! Now I need something to throw and somewhere to yell. Name is not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wannabe.

Name needs to master the art of patience. If a person who drinks too much is an alcoholic, then is someone who never drinks called a non-alcoholic?

wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

If you think you have nothing to be thankful for today, consider this: At least you're not a turkey. Enjoy your time today. Only effective on Thanksgiving Day. I lost my accountabilibuddy. You've worked hard all week. You deserve to get drunk, vomit on a bar stool, pray to the toilet gods, and sweat on the bathroom floor, where you will wake up the following afternoon with a headache, bad breath, and nausea.

Have a good time, because you deserve this. You don't want to question me. I've forgotten more in the past week than you've learned your whole life. If I become a fan of myself, does that mean that every time I update my wall it will send an update to my wall? A Penn State student trying to raise money for cancer came up to my car asking for money.

I told her that I don't support cancer or Penn State. Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend. Somewhere in America, someone you don't like is praying for you.

Society is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. Name is searching for zen. So far, it's not at Subway or Wawa. You are on the phone, someone 'asks', "Hold please. Can you scream, "NO! Girls are beautiful, not hot. They are not a temperature. Dear friends, please don't tag me in a photo that is so prehistoric you have to scan the photo to make it digital. No one here is into studying history, sincerely everybody born before Don't think too much or you could create a problem that wasn't even there.

wise relationship facebook statuses and comments

Without candy crush, I'd be like a kid with no candy! Telling me you're going to unfollow me is like announcing you're leaving a party you weren't even invited to. I did not say I didn't want to work.

I said I didn't want to twerk! Milk's leap towards evolution. I'm following you on Twitter because my mum always told me to follow my dreams. Everyone is normal until you find them on Twitter. There's a nap for that. Source When someone says you are what you eat, and you're eating the chicken's bum. If you have a problem with me write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and shove it up your big behind.

If you're talking behind my back, you're in a really good position to kiss my butt. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog Were you dropped as a baby? A day without sunlight is night. I can resist anything, except temptation. Sitting in class wondering who would die if one of the fans fell down.

I'm pretty sure you're not a car, get an actual photo for your profile. Source Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play "hide and seek. Y the hell did I do that? I have decided to tell my pets they're adopted. If swimming is an exercise, then explain whales to me.

If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, just say "I love YouTube" really fast. We should stop teaching kids to sing the alphabet. It took me five years to realize that "elemeno" wasn't a letter. They're just fat and grey, and we call them Rhinos. A message in the toilet: Treat me well, keep me clean, I will not tell anyone what I have seen.

I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook. My wallet is like an onion, when I open it. It makes me cry. Love is not who you can see yourself with. Where there is the greatest love, there are always miracles—Willa Cather.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness—Oliver Wendell Holmes. Love is a language spoken by everyone but understood only by heart. When you cant believe your eyes, you can always trust your heart.

Get Maximum Likes With These Cute Quotes for Facebook Statuses

Love makes anything possible. The easiest thing in life is to love someone and hardest part is finding someone who loves you back the same. When I first saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew. I will love you forever. It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not. Andre Gide True love does not have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man. Just copy and paste it to update your Facebook status.