I am 28 years old and I've just met my Father for the first time. I wanted to see what similarities we had in our physical traits, and what his personality was like. He was a fun dad when we were little, but since the divorce, he was pretty rubbish at being How often should we meet up, and for how long, this first reunion?. A moment that changed me: meeting my father for the first time aged 19 As we hugged somewhat awkwardly in the reception area of a hotel.
A moment that changed me: meeting my father for the first time aged 19
We both seem to observe a lot, relatively quiet and get lost in our thoughts at times. It was interesting to watch him try to explain things, because I could sense he has a good level of intelligence, but he had a hard time articulating his thoughts. Vocabulary makes such a difference in communication As the evening neared my girlfriend and I found ourselves lead back at the house of this very kind, sweet older lady who we were introduced to earlier in the day. Including this sweet old lady. As we shared our story of the day with her a realization set in It was clear that we had no real place to stay!
It seems he brought us to her house with hopes she would take us in for the night. Which in hindsight was no surprise, his "house" wasn't exactly livable.
The problem is she was never asked, and we were never told. We had assumed he had arranged a place for us to stay like he had said. I was hoping the views people had told me about him were not true but he was doing a bad job of showing otherwise. He did eventually come back a few hours later in the night to "make sure we were alright" and invite me out to the bar.
Luckily for us she welcomed us to stay the night as she was understanding of our situation and his character more than we knew. It turns out she has a home in Ontario, Canada which is the province I live in, and she spends the winter months retired in Jamaica. We had a lot of things to talk about and it turned out to be a great experience and an unexpected great connection.
I also found out she went to elementary school with my grandmother May she rest in peace around 60 years prior in this very town I was staying in! After being pampered for the night with great food and a rare and welcomed hot shower, we woke up in the morning to a great breakfast, thanked her and said our good byes.
Before jumping in the taxi I could see he was waiting for the right moment to say something. I thought he was nervous and having a hard time simply saying sorry for the years of not being there or at least for what happened the night before. But no, he used it as one more opportunity to let me down. Do you have some drinking money for me? I didn't know how to react. Part of me wanted to get angry, part of me was confused, and part of me felt sorry for this man who was clearly so oblivious to the situation he was in.
He's never really met me up until this occasion, he likely never will again, and after a life time of absence those are the words he choose? It's funny because at times I find myself trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and find an angle or perspective that would allow me to feel as if he was justified in his actions - I don't think I'm that creative.
Now in his defence, I don't think he is a bad person He's a nice guy and all I just think he has not come to terms with his own reality regarding WHY we have never met, and has made and continues to make decisions that do not truly serve him. That was my first and probably last experience meeting my biological Father. Then again, who knows what the future holds. A bit disappointing, yet satisfying because it gave me the closure I've needed all these years So here is my advice to anyone who has a decision to make as far as meeting a Mother, Father or estranged person in their life.
Do not do it for the family member who thinks you should. Do not do it "Because they are blood and it's only right". Do not do it because you feel guilty or feel that you owe that person anything. Do it for you, and only you! Do it because your forgiveness opens up space for new possibilities in your life and you want to free yourself of emotional bondage. I badgered him with questions about the purpose of life and he pointed me in the direction of William Blake and the Marquis de Sade.
Back at university I finally felt I had an identity: I was the lanky one who dressed in black, took too many drugs and had a cool, bohemian father. It soon became clear, though, that too much time had passed and too much had happened for it all to be quite so easy.
It was difficult with my English family too. Since meeting Phil, all sorts of skeletons had been aired.
When You Meet Your Girlfriend's Dad for the First Time | Dad Meme on kultnet.info
I found out how my grandmother had recommended Mum get an abortion; how my favourite aunt had disapproved of the squat Phil had proposed as our new home and convinced Mum to return to her parents. I heard how Phil would turn up for access visits still out of it on LSD from the day before. I even discovered I had originally been registered with a different name — Salvador West Mum changed it before the six-week limit was up. What bothered me most was that my closest older relatives had known about all this and kept quiet.
They had good intentions but I felt everything I trusted and believed in was crashing down.
It was four years before I properly settled back in England and in those pre-mobile, pre-internet days it was easy to go weeks, often months, without contact. With the cancer spread around his body he had taken the decision to refuse all but palliative care. A few days later I flew back to London to start my course. A week after that I heard he had died. The son becomes a father I was consumed with regret. His death before his 48th birthday had robbed me of any chance of reconciliation, of working it through together.
A moment that changed me: He was only 21 when I was born. Would I have done any better? I can see now how hard I was on him.
I had felt stifled by an intense need to live up to his expectations, to be creative, but at once I was liberated. I threw myself into life as a news reporter, moved into a flat, had relationships and eventually got married and had a child.