4 Steps to Get Over the First Fight in a Relationship
When I look back on all my first fights in relationships, they're not usually over things that were life altering. It's usually things like they stayed over and didn't. The first fight that ends the honeymoon phase of a new relationship can be very unnerving. Just yesterday you were dressing up to go out to dinner, and sending . Being in a relationship can definitely have its perks. During the beginning, especially, you're both starry-eyed and happy. It's fun texting each.
When things do get out of hand, savvy arguers know how to get a grip on their emotions. They value taking a time out, whether that means counting to 10 and taking slow, deep breaths or simply telling their spouse, "Hey, can we revisit this in the morning?
When both partners are able to soothe themselves and take breaks, they're usually able to reach a resolution or agree to disagree! They set ground rules for arguments. It's not that long-time couples have never resorted to low blows or have said something regrettable during an argument. They have in the past -- and then they learned from the mistake.
Once the emotionally charged fight ends, smart couples lay down some ground rules for arguing so it never gets out of hand again, said author and relationship expert Mario P. The ground rules could be specific -- "We will not interrupt each other when one is giving his or her perspective" -- or more big picture: They acknowledge each other's feelings and points of view.
They may be bumping heads but couples in happy, long-time relationships try their best to see the other side of the argument, Kipp said.
All Couples Fight. Here's How Successful Couples Do It Differently.
They give each other the benefit of the doubt. Partners who are able to have healthy and productive arguments don't jump to conclusions in the middle of fights. They aren't quick to assume their S. They quiet their insecurities, listen and try to give their partner the benefit of the doubt, Kipp said. This allows arguments to be a team effort to achieve the goal rather than an adversarial 'fight.
But, it is important to be honest with yourself and understand what the things you can compromise about are and what are the things that might be your deal breakers.
These are the stuff you need to resolve in the beginning and to be honest about them to your partner. But, what most couples do, especially in the beginning, is running away from any possible confrontations, thinking it is the best way to avoid arguments and a way for preserving peace in the relationship.
Instead, they will pile and catch you sooner or later. So, the best thing you can do is to resolve each problem on time, issue by issue.
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And once you start the argument, there is no walking away until a solution that suits both of you has been reached. So, no matter how long the fight might last, remember it is not acceptable to end it until both of you have given your points of view and until a compromise has been made.
The worst thing you can do is to hold grudges because if you do this- it will affect you as a person and it will have a negative impact on your relationship in general in more than one way. Holding onto the first fight in a relationship and using it every once in a while to start new fights or to guilt your partner into something is the worst thing you can do.
If you were able to work things out, there is absolutely no need to constantly remind yourself or your partner about this fight. If that is the case, think things through and decide if you can stay in the relationship. But, if you decide that there is no much to forgive regarding this fight and that you can forgive it, let it go.Every Relationship Starts With The First Fight
If you keep holding on to it and if you are just waiting for an opportunity to bring it up, you will only bring unnecessary negativity in the relationship. Be aware that this is the first fight in a relationship, but it is definitely not the last.
- 4 Steps to Get Over the First Fight in a Relationship
- The Art Of (Relationship) War: Your First Fight As A Couple
There will be plenty of other situations in which you and your partner will disagree, so this is the time to learn not to dwell on it and not to hold grudges.