Just Be Kind: The Only Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need
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They may never have witnessed it in their original family or felt it in their past relationships.
- What kind of relationship do you want?
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In this way, love can feel painful or threatening. All of a sudden, you feel vulnerable, as if you have a lot to lose or can be hurt all over again. In this state, you may do a lot of things to squelch those feelings of love in order to feel more comfortable or familiar. You may stop treating your partner in ways that would draw him or her closer.
In order to move forward, you have to be willing to let go of the past and surpass it by being even more vulnerable and open to love. Letting go of your defenses will let more love into your life. Drop your half of the dynamic. One technique I often share with couples to help them end an argument is to practice unilateral disarmament. Then reach out to your partner, show concern and care and stick with the behavior of being kind.
Test: What kind of couple are you?
If you notice that you have intense feelings of jealousy, anger, etc. Is your partner really rejecting you or might you be distorting reality? Who would want to be with you anyway? In any circumstance, you can choose to be the loving person you want to be.
How to Find Out What You Want in a Relationship: 12 Steps
We become so distracted and lost in our own heads that we stop thinking of our partner as a real person being affected by us. Take time to try to grasp what your partner feels and experiences when interacting with you.
What does how you act make them feel? Simply paying attention to your partner and acknowledging their feelings will make them feel safe and seen. Then, you can be kind by engaging in behavior that acknowledges their wants and desires. Show care and concern in a way your partner would experience as loving.
Just bringing a cup of tea or offering a random act of affection can shift the entire dynamic of your day to be more loving and romantic. However, you feel a lot better doing things for your partner, because it makes you feel good and not so you can get ahead in the scorebook. Kindness need not be quantified.How To Choose A Partner Wisely
You can always clearly say what you want. However, when you get too focused on who owes who what and why, you may start to feel resentful and bitter. You lose track of your real goal, which is to make you and your partner feel happy and close. When we have something precious, we become fearful of what we can lose.
However, if we acknowledge these painful feelings and fearful reactions, we can be aware of when they arise, but still choose to persevere by remaining kind and close to the people we love. About the Author Lisa Firestone, Ph.
What's Your Ideal Relationship?
An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention. Thus, the relationship never becomes stagnant, and always feels youthful and fresh.
Just when you think all is well, and you get busy with everything else, your relationship can get into real danger fast. Yes, relationships can change in undesirable ways and bring you big surprises, especially if you haven't learned how to cultivate and manage your relationships. It pays to keep your beloved relationships tuned up and never to let them go.
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